youuu and ii ;
Just finish bathing not long ago. was having a convo with joy b4 I left. I din actually know what I'm really thinking now. It's really just _____ . I don't know what's the right and wrong word to use there. I don't feel good. after talking with her, I went to the toilet and I think I'm starting to screw my life again. I used to say "I QUIT" but in the end, that's the only thing who accompanies me when I have things to think about. that's the only thing that lights me up when its dark and I need someone to be there when there's no one. I know its just bad for me, But I do need its help. cant help it. sighs. Now I feel like I have tons of things I need to accomplish and do.
1) I miss home.
I miss the people living in it. Not the place tho. I miss being yelled at when I did some stupid mistake. I miss the screaming around the rooms. I miss the swearing we used to do. I miss everyone. I miss the time when I don't need to do anything at home. I just need to eat when the time arrives, Do whatever I want. Change my clothes all the time without even thinking that I need to wash them. Its just a total change over for me. Only now I realise how much a family means to a person. Never really did appreciate what I used to have. Everyone just think I'm rich and that's NOT true. They don't see what's in the inside. There's lots of problem I'm having with me now. I make decision with money pretty wrongly now. I used to waste food, I used to waste everything. Electricity, Water, .... lalala~everything. I never know how hard it was to actually pay for the bills. I used to think, It doesn't matter, use , use la! Its just tooo many things to worry about. But I hope that my brothers back home are doing great. Heard a lot of nice things that they are finally doing now. I'm glad. glad bros, glad.
2) My studies.
How am I suppose to motivate myself to study? I really have no idea. NO IDEA. I'm living with 3 freakin' clever people who I have to agree. They're pretty good in their studies who I can turn to for helps and problems I face in my studies. I wanna do good. MOm promised that If I do good in my next exam, I get to go back to brunei. I know she'll let me If really want to. but for me now, Money is also a pretty big issues. I don't wanna waste those money unnecessary anymore. It feels bad la. The tickets are not cheap at all. STUDY !! COME ON!! I know I can. but HOW? _!_
3) girls.
Like I said, Girls here doesn't attract my attention at all. I've no idea why. But yeah, just no. I know my aim here is to really study well and not thinking about other things. I've still been fooling around a lot with them, but then, its time to pick myself up and work my ass off. Girls? I don't need anyone of them. I just wanna do well, get my grades, fly back to Brunei as soon as possible ( thinking twice.. ) and get to hang out with the bunch of monkeys and not to forget, of course, Joy. I dunno how the feelings gonna be like. But no matter what, I'll still try to do all the best I could. she's really the one I cherish the most and she's just amazing. She gives me tons of motivation in everything I do, giving me suggestions and all. I really hope this would carry on and on.. Not to deny, Nothing seems to last forever like I've always said, But hell yeah, treasure it when its still there for you. and as for you, I really do cherish you. take good care and you know i misss you like ... . .. . . ummfff~ you know how much I do. *hearts*
4) money.
I should start spending wisely? should I? do it for myself and giving my parents less of a burden? I guess its up to me to do so. I'll think about that myself.
I guess that's all for now. need to get ready for the things that's installed for me tomorrow. I feeel freaking moody and sulking like a deep shit now. WHAT CAN I DO??? arrggghh... I feeel like swearing, but it doesn't help at all.
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